Forbidden Fruit

Long ago, in a time before toasters but after jellybeans, pineapples were not fruit — they were birds.

These birds, known as Pina Avian Lords, ruled the skies of a tropical archipelago called Swoogalooga. With their spiky plumage and sweet scent, they were adored by islanders and feared by coconuts. Legend has it, every evening at sunset, the pineapples would sing — not chirp, sing opera — echoing dramatic arias across the jungle while performing synchronized mid-air spirals.

But then, one day, a pineapple named Sir Prickalot dared to eat a cloud. That angered the Weather Council, who cursed all pineapple birds to be grounded forever. With a dramatic “NOOOOOOooooo…” the pineapples crash-landed into the soil, rooted in place, and became the fruit we know today.

And to this day, if you listen closely while slicing one open, you might hear the faint whisper of a soprano solo.